My First First's

The many firsts in my life, as far as memory permits me to remember...

First Tamil Movie in a Theater
I think I was in kindergarten, and home was in Imbi (that big, beautiful house that was a joy to play hide and seek). We watched Annamalai in Coliseum..vaguely remember jumping with excitement, not because of the movie, but because of the fact that it was the first ever tamil movie I was going to watch in a theater. Being a Rajinikanth movie, the crowd was pretty much what it would've been like in India - whistling, clapping, etc.

First Best Friend
Farah, from Tadika Fatima :)
I have no clue where she is now, or what she even looks like. We sat together, had our breaks together, even took part in the same events together. I can't remember if we shared secrets, but I do know we shared all our lunches and homework!

First Time I Cried In School
Surprisingly enough, it wasn't on the first day of school. In fact, it was much later, when I was in Standard 2, sick with high fever and flu. For some reason, the fever was too much to handle, and I remember just laying my head down on my desk and crying because all I wanted was my bed.

First Raya Celebration Experience
This happened when I was 10, and we celebrated Raya at Shazna's house. It was fantastic, and I will never forget Laksa Johor that Shazy's mum made! Haven't had it since I left school...hopefully, this next Raya will be another reunion for us!

First Flight
England baby! It was the first ever flight I'd taken, at 10 again, to England for the 1st International Children's Conference on the Environment. Almost 13 hours on flight, it was quite an experience for a child, especially one like me. I wrote postcards to my cousins in KL, and gave them to the stewardess to post for me :P

First Middle East Trip
This would be the first and last so far. Extremely priveledged to have been able to make it to Iraq, before the 2nd war broke out. Tons learnt from that trip, some of which I had written on notes off Facebook (A Little Memory From Iraq). Definitely a trip I will always remember.

First Footie Match!
This happened last week, when I was lucky enough (thanks to my big bro!) to get a free ticket to watch Arsenal vs Malaysia at Bukit Jalil Stadium. Loved the atmosphere, loved the surroundings...loved the experience!

Flashy Food

Sometime pictures paint the words you wish to speak. When in doubt, use photos. Sharing some random food photography done recently...

A Little Memory from Iraq

We sat in the bus, busy blowing balloons for the visit we were making. In less than ten minutes, the whole vehicle was filled with a sea of colours, all floating about above us.

As each of us got off the bus, we took with us a handful of balloons. Armed with smiles, and a heart filled with warmth, we walked in to a room filled with bubbly laughter and delightful faces. Though they were shy at first, eventually the children warmed up to us - despite the language barrier, we silenty communicated through hand gestures and just, a simple smile. 

As we handed out the precious KitKat bars brought all the way from Malaysia, it dawned on me suddenly that these kids had probably never seen chocolates in a long time. Sad, how we take something as small and insignificant like chocolate for granted where we come from. The joy I witnessed on their little innocent faces cannot be described by just words - they do no justice to the raw, pure emotions that emanated from their very beings.

When we left the home, I found myself thinking...you know, there are so many homes like these for children all over the world. What makes this home any different from an orphanage in Malaysia?

Unlike the kids back home...these children have probably witnessed the most horrific, undescribable, terrorising pain, death, and war that none of us has ever experienced at any point of our lives. And they are just...children.

How grateful I should be, that I live in a country that has never had to experience any of these horrors. 

The next time this thought crossed my mind, I was watching Kannathil Mutthamital when the bombing scenes at the village in Sri Lanka was played. 

After almost 10 years, I don't know if these kids have grown up safe, or alive...if I ever see them again, God Willing - then I have nothing but a heart filled with gratitude to offer to them. 

We can never compare our lives to others, as everyone has their own paths to follow. However, we can always look back and wonder, even when someone seems so much worse off than we do - how do they still find the little windows of happiness? How? Something to think about.

In the end of it all, life will continue to renew itself and take its course as it should. Love, Perseverance, and Faith take centre stage, knocking away all traces of Defeat, Anguish and Sorrow. Such is the strength of the Human spirit.

For this, I am grateful to Uncle Sabri and Aunty Wati for allowing me to have this life changing experience. If I had a chance to go back and do it all again - I would! So thank you, Aunty and Uncle. These are lessons in life that I have been blessed to experience first hand.

Many more little memories from Iraq :) will share soon.

I was fortunate to be a part of group of exceptional young children who were granted the opportunity to visit Iraq in 2001, and produce a documentary on Iraqi children. It was a life-changing experience, that left me with a completely different outlook of life. The conclusion of the trip was simply - War and politics are adult games...but the losers are always the children.

The End of Another Chapter

This is my work space - till tomorrow. Double me here thanks to my colleague Tracy, who loves being super random at times.

After almost a year here, its time to fly again. Like all jobs, after learning what you had started out to learn - you then spread your wings, and fly. Nothing solid confirmed yet for next week and the rest of my life, but I trust all will sort out as per the Big Boss's plans for me.

Can't say what the future holds, never can, and never will be able to. What I am sure about however, is that regardless of where life takes me, it will always be for the best. 

How I Photographed Swami

After coming home from Parthi in February, there was a part of me which felt a teeny weeny bit of jealousy - of the boys. As always, they get to do EVERYTHING. I must say however, the last trip to Parthi was an amazing blessing in itself.

Because of our drama practices, for the drama that never took place - we were given access to the Mandir after darshan hours. Boy, did it become a playground to us! I was so blessed, to be able to stand right in front of where Swami sits to give His darshan everyday, walk, where He would have walked to take His place on His throne, sit, where His feet would have touched the ground, right there, smack in the middle of the verandah.

It was AMAZING. Even the day of our performance, to be able to sit SO SO SO close to where Swami would have physically been, was an amazing blessing.I was so happy. Elated.Overjoyed. Whatever word for extreme joy and fulfillment there is in the English dictionary, you name it, I totally felt it.

Anyway...so my dearest brother Ram Babu had the most amazing opportunity to photograph Swami. Yes, SWAMI! I was so happy for him, and at the same time I was telling Swami how unfair it is. The boys do everything, they are so close to You, and us girls? We have to sit in the corner and be good.

Photography to me, is Swami's gift. I am happiest with a camera in my hand. I wished so badly to have been able to photograph Swami when I was in Parthi. Of course, when I came home to KL, I completely forgot about it.

During Swami's Tribute in Malaysia, I was given the task of handling photography with a few others. To me, this is Swami's constant blessing - to be able to do what I loved best for Him all the time. It was a long, long weekend, all of us were dead tired but still, charged with some sort of energy.

At one point, the video montage of rare photos of Swami that Bro Kugan had made was played. I sat in front of the stage, watching the video with a smile, watching the beautiful photos of our Lord glide into the screen so gracefully, just as He would walk into Sai Kulwant Hall. My hands were still holding the camera.

Then all of a sudden, in the middle of this collection of beautiful photographs, Swami suddenly walks in on to the big screen - Bro Kugan had included video footage! Funny how I never noticed it earlier..Swami was walking, talking, smiling, waving, blessing...as if on invisible cue, I whipped up the camera and zoomed it in so the only thing I could see through the viewfinder in my frame was Swami.

And I photographed Him.

As He walked..talked..smiled...waved..blessed..and smiled again, directly at me.

I photographed my Swami.

:)

It couldn't have felt any more real. So ...thank You, my dearest, sweetest, most Loving Swami, for fulfilling this little wish I have had for the longest time.

Padhanamaskar

Very early in the morning, very quickly...a quick padhanamaskar.

The girls were standing in a line, and Swami was walking past us, stopping in front of each one and saying something. As Swami approaches where I am, at first, I don't know He's there - I was actually distracted by something.

He walks past me, I turn around and follow Him, and suddenly just ask," Swami, can I take padhanamaskar?"

Swami looks at me, and simply says,"Yaaaaa." With a smile.

I prostrate in front of Him, kneel down and touch His feet - I swear, it felt like I was actually touching His feet..placed my forehead at His feet, and got up to stand before Him again.

He just looks at me, and smiles.

Hold my hand

Nothing's changed. You are still who You are.

Answers are still being searched for...and You are still denying me access to them. Maybe its not time, maybe it is..I'll know when it unfolds.

Just hold my hand, Swami.